CLOTHES IN THE AIR

Katsuma? Kikuchi? yea. Wanna know? FUCKING READ IT!

yap. seperti yang orang-orang tahu, gue adalah seorang cewek yang bisa membuat cowok kesal sampai membenci gue. 

bagi kebanyakan orang, bulan desember adalah bulan penuh kasih sayang. gue setuju. tapi, desember 2015 gue tidak sebegitu indah seperti yang biasa gue rasakan. tahun kemarin, gue mengalami masalah tolol yang besar dalam hidup gue. gue suka sama seorang cowok yang akhirnya membenci gue. memang kok, memang terdengar sangat bodoh, tapi itulah yang terjadi. sangat bodoh.

cewek mana sih yang mau bikin cowok yang dia suka malah jadi benci sama dia? MANA ADA??????????????????????????????????????? ada.
SIAPA? gue.
gue bego banget deh pokoknya. yang ada lo emosi kalo denger apa yg gue lakukan.
yap. 2 hari sebelum natal.
2 hari adalah waktu yang cukup dekat untuk membuat orang yang lo sayang menjadi semakin suka sama lo, bukannya malah membenci lo. dan, dia jadi benci sama gue semanjak hari itu. oke. mungkin sebaiknya gue memulai cerita ini dari awal.




Katsuma;

Katsuma Kikuchi.


nama yang baru saja gue sebutkan, adalah nama dari seorang laki-laki yang lahir pada tanggal 17 juli 1995 dari sebuah keluarga harmonis yang memiliki seorang ayah yang berprofesi sebagai dokter dan seorang ibu yang berprofesi sebagai seorang suster. ayah dan ibu ini telah memiliki buah hati, sebagai anak pertamanya, juuga seorang anak laki-laki yang sekarang sedang menjalani sudi untuk mengejar cita-citanya menjadi seperti sang ayah yaitu seorang dokter.

(balik ke topik nama tadi)

anak laki-laki ini lahir dan tumbuh menjadi anak yang riang dan penuh kasih sayang dari kedua orang tuanya, seimbang dengan kasih sayang yang diterima oleh kakaknya. mereka berdua adalah anak yang tergolong pintar. mereka berdua lahir dari kedua orang tua yang cukup berpendidikan, tidak heran jika kakak beradik ini juga memiliki otak yang cerdas. Katsuma dan kakaknya adalah 2 anak laki-laki yang selalu menjadi kebanggaan kedua orang tua mereka. semanjak mereka masuk di bangku SD, mereka telah didaftarkan untuk masuk ke tempat les supaya mereka bisa terus melatih dan mengasah otak mereka.
seperti biasa, orang tua hanya menginginkan yang terbaik untuk anak mereka, dan orang tua dari Katsuma menginginkan Katsuma dan kakaknya menjadi dokter atau setidaknya bekerja di bidang kedokteran sama seperti kedua orang tua mereka. ini semua wajar. hal yang wajar.


-lanjut part 2

saat dia minta putus..

ada saatnya dimana kamu harus putus dari seseorang yang kamu cintai.
dia bilang, dia ngga ngertiin kamu
dia bilang kalau dia egois
dia bilang kalau dia nggak pantas untuk dia
dia bilang kalau kamu bisa cari yang lebih baik

tapi aku tau
kamu sedih
kamu nggak sekuat itu
aku tau kalau kamu butuh dia. aku tau kalau kamu kesepian tanpa dia

tapi,
semua ada saatnya
semua ada waktunya
kamu nggak bisa maksa semua keinginan kamu
kamu juga harus ngerti kalau dia mau pergi
kamu harus tau kalau dia mau dilepas
kamu harus ngerti kalau dia merasa lelah sama kamu

dia nggak sehebat yang kamu kira
semakin kamu bertanya, semakin dia akan lelah sama kamu
semakin dia ingin pergi dari kamu
dia udah nggak kuat karena dia ingin pergi

dia akan memberikan seribu alasan kenapa kalian harus putus
dan kamu akan memberikan seribu alasan mengapa kalian nggak harus putus
ini semua yang sebenernnya harus kamu sadari.
kalian berdua nggak cocok karena kalian memang nggak cocok

sometimes, you just have to admit that it is over

nggak semua hal bisa berjalan dengan mulus

kalau dia nggak akan berusaha lagi, kenapa kamu masih ingin membanting harga dirimu untuk dia?

Questions

1.Kissed a girl? 
2.Kissed a boy? 
3.Had sex in public? 
4.What’s your religion? 
5.What does your URL mean? 
6.Reason you joined tumblr? 
7.Do you have any nicknames? 
8.Do you like bubble bath? 
9.Kissed in the rain? 
10.Dyed your hair? 
11.Soup or salad? 
12.Vegetable or meat? 
13.Go out drinking? 
14.Smoke cigarettes? 
15.Smoke weed? 
16.Do any hard drugs? 
17.Have you had sex today? 
18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? 
19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted? 
20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? 
21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game? 
22.Tried to commit suicide? 
23.The last time you felt broken? 
24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt? 
25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend? 
26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair? 
27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl? 
28.Do you sing in the shower? 
29.Do you dance in the car? 
30.Where were you yesterday? 
31.Ever used a bow and arrow? 
32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 
33.Do you think musicals are cheesy? 
34.Is Christmas stressful? 
35.Favorite type of fruit pie? 
36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? 
37.Do you believe in ghosts? 
38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 
39.Take a vitamin daily? 
40.Wear slippers? 
41.Wear a bath robe? 
42.What do you wear to bed? 
43.Do you want to get married? 
44.Can you curl your tongue? 
Relationship preference: 
45.How many relationships have you had? 
46.How can I win your heart? 
47.what makes a great relationship? 
48.Shy OR open? 
50.Religious OR non-religious? 
51.Caring OR non-restricting of you? 
52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge? 
53.Piercings OR no piercings? 
54.Tattoos OR no tattoos? 
55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?

It Was Always You

I opened one page of

The new book i just bought 

The front cover was blue

The back was black

And that was your favorite color 

I opened page one and it says

Things change and you have to deal with it

I suddenly felt lost

Nope it was not your fault 

It was mine

Because i lied

I lied to everyone 

And myself 

Found myself 

Crying over little things 

That reminds me of

The things we used to do

You were the one 

Who can make me happy 

And i was wrong for "were"

You are the one

You have always been the same 

And i want you

All of you

From A to Z

I want you 

No exceptions 

Only you

I Met Him Today

I met him this afternoon 

The person i used to date 2 months ago

I saw him changed 

His hairstyle 

His hair colour 

The way he walk

The way he stare

He was...

Today was different 

I was actually looking for him since morning 

Then I accidentally met him in the hall

He was..

Gosh, he was different 

He looks brighter than before 

Never thought of that before 

When suddenly he looked at me and said "hey" with a bright smile 

I said, "hey" we walked then when i turn back, i saw him still looking at me while walking 

Today, was, different.

He is different 

I also changed 

My hairstyle 

My hair colour 

Yeah we did change

But when our eyes met, i felt like i saw a new person, we changed into something good..

We did.

#miracleofspring

How we actually met.

we met in the early of April 2014. it was a hot night during spring. i was there playing with my cousins and sister in the largest and 

most famous park in Jogjakarta, Indonesia. i was there playing around with them with a light inside my heart. i never thought i could 

experienced a sweet day like that. 3 hour before that, i went to  zoo to accompanied my little cousins to see the animals. it was 

pretty boring until i got a text from my best friend, Ray. he text me and asked me where i was. i told him i was in the zoo and i 

needed to escape. he told me to meet him in the park at night and he asked me if it was okay if he brings a friend with him. then i told 

him it was okay.

 as the time went by, i text him where he was and he didn't answer me. i waited and i played with my cousins and 

sister. it was a really fine night with a warm weather touching my skin perfectly. i wore a black flowered crop top and a knee length 

flare skirt. i also brought my medium size brown bag that i bought the day before. in that park there were two big trees standing 

facing each other and there was a gap between them. 

old story says if you could walk through that gap, you can wish on anything 

and it will become true. my cousin used a red scarf to blindfolded me so that i could begin that journey. my cousin turn me around 

and around so that i had to find the right direction to walk through the trees. i walked 3 three times and i ended up standing far 

away from the trees. last one, i tried and i walked bravely. then i reached the other side of the tree. i was too happy then i jumped 

around. i heard a laugh then i turned myself around and i was my best friend, Ray. he was there looking at me and laughed. i ran into 

him and hugged him tightly. he introduced me to a guy named Teddy. he said his name was Teddy and i said my name was Mel. it was 

the day i met him. 

*

it was only the beginning. the beginning of a very complicated love. it's just the beginning. it is an interesting story to read and you 

will want to know what happened between them after they met. you will be curious enough to ask me the next step of this story. 

you will be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA

The day I realized

This is the day

The day that make me forget about 

How to love

How to let go

How to understand

About love

The day that makes me realize how easily

We could like someone

Only by touching their personality 

I miss the feeling

Of having someone by my side 

The feeling of comfortable 

Someone who hugs your heart, tightly

Makes you have no worries at all

The feeling of being respected 

By someone you barely knew

But easily hug your heart tightly

You were there when i was ready 

And now I won't let go

I want you to stay

Stay with me

Until the end of this journey 

And i want this journey to be adventurous 

While i am walking through this journey with you

It Is When You Can Be Your Best

She tried her best to open up

Not hiding anything for herself

Giving her best and honesty with no lies

Not even one strain of hair

But reality is harder that she has ever thought

She hardly trust anyone and her believes has already gone

With the wind and flows

Cry over everything might be her stupidest guilty pleasure

But she enjoys it

Being vulnerable inside 

But strong and independent outside

Your Ability of Letting Go of things or people that no need to be hold back

You are able to be nice, dear.

But somehow

People are gonna walk away

Walk away from your heart and try not to hold them back

Try to let go of them

Don't let them make you crave about love

Let them see how strong you are

Even when they are not around anymore

Even when you are not holding them in your hearts anymore

Try to be wise

Not to mention about loneliness

But it is about how you can handle yourself 

With no regrets of people that walks away

Kabar

Hai, apa kabarmu? apa kau baik-baik saja? kau sehat? kuharap begitu. Tidak, aku tidak apa-apa. Aku hanya merindukanmu. Tidak lebih. Hanya ingin menatap matamu yang berwarna coklat muda itu dan tersenyum padamu setiap saat. entahlah. Aku hanya menikmati saat-saat aku bersamamu. Jika aku memiliki remote yang bisa mengontrol waktu, mungkin aku akan membekukan saat-saat aku dan kamu saling menatap mata satu sama lain. Itu saja, hanya itu.

My Prayers

i closed my eyes and laid down my knees

i put my hands together and kept myself in silent

took a deep breath and done it one more time

i began to cry and this is what i said

"God, i love you

thank you for your blessing

thank you for the life you gave me

oh, God, i wanna tell you something

i know that you already knew about him

i just can't stand to have no feelings for him

i see you in him, God

i still don't understand why you put us together now

we're still young

we're silly

but then i just realize that you are the one who sent him for me

is he the answer to all my prayers?

or he is just another man that walks into my life and will teach me a lesson

oh God, no, i am not complaining, but i'm curious

i want to know God

please, let me know."

Miss Understanding

i opened my eyes and i couldn't find you anywhere
oh well, it was only a dream that i met you

i left my room and took a shower
i tried to eat my breakfast but i missed you
and all of our conversations

i met you at the very bad timing
it was all my fault
to let you in to my life

it was a sunny day when i hear your voice over the phone
you took me by surprise
i never thought that you would be that nice
i never thought

you weren't there when i waited for you
you weren't there when i needed you
i got mad at you
i got upset at you

i got myself attached to movies
tried to let go of thoughts about you
and when i watched those movies
it reminded me of you

right now, i am still wishing that you are here
making a day off to meet me
just to see me
but i guess.. you just do not care at all.

Puisi Hatiku - Poetry of My Heart

aku ingin mengungkapkan perasaan dalam hatiku
menuliskan perasaan yang tidak bisa ku katakan dengan bibirku
menorehkan macam-macam perasaan ada di dalam jiwaku
menuliskan isi hatiku

kejujuran bukanlah hal yang mudah untuk diungkapkan
namun pikiran dan hatiku lelah
lelah akan hal yang membuat otak dan hatiku terus bertengkar
mengungkapkan kenyataan yang pernah terjadi dalam hidupku

menatap wajahmu untuk pertama kalinya
mendengar suaramu untuk pertama kalinya
lalu aku membayangkan saat ini
tidak mengetahui bahwa kau menjadi orang yang penting bagiku

membiarkan semua alunan cerita berlangsung
pertemuan di malam itu memang bukan hal yang biasa
pertemuan yang membuatku yakin akan sesuatu yang kuragukan
membuatku yakin akan arti...

tidak, belum waktunya aku mengatakan ini
belum saatnya, belum waktunya

tahukah kau?
detak jantungku selalu berdetak lebih cepat saat kau menghubungiku
perasaan kesal, marah, emosi, bahagia, tersenyum, semua bercampur aduk
perasaan seperti ini sudah lama tidak aku rasakan.

aku hanya ingin mengutarakan perasaanku
perasaan bahagia yang aku rasakan saat kau menghubungiku
kau memang berbeda
aku harap kau adalah jawaban dari doaku selama ini

ya, semoga saja.

Jauh - Far

Mungkin saat ini kau berada jauh dariku
sebentar lagi aku kesana
sebentar lagi aku sampai
tidak akan ada jarak lagi yang memisahkan kita
tidak akan ada lagi halangan diantara kita

Sebentar lagi aku sampai dan akan menemuimu
bertemu denganmu
menatap matamu
menyentuh tanganmu
merasakan hangatnya pelukanmu

Jarak ribuan mil yang membuat kita tidak dapat bertemu
jarak ribuan mil yang membuat kita terpisah amat jauh
namun sebentar lagi
sebentar lagi semuanya akan berakhir

Aku harap perjalananmu menyenangkan
aku harap perjalananmu tidak memobsankan
aku harap kau tersenyum selama kau dalam perjalanan
karena akupun tersenyum memikirkanmu setiap saat

Tanpa ada rasa kecewa
dipenuhi rasa rindu
semoga kau baik-baik saja.

Rasa Hampa - The Loneliness

aku memejamkan mataku dan membayangkanmu
membayangkan kehadiranmu disampingku
keberadan fisikmu didekatku

menatap matamu dan melihat wajahmu
membayangkan setiap sentuhan yang aku rasakan saat bersamamamu
membiarkan diriku jatuh dalam permainanamu
membiarkanku hanyut dalam alunan lagu yang kau ciptakan
membuatku tak sanggup berdiri sendiri tanpamu menopangku

melihatmu pergi menjauh meninggalkanku
membiarkanku perlahan keluar dari genggamanmu
rasa kehilangan yang sangat dahsayat saat kau tidak bersamaku lagi

hari-hariku terasa hampa tanpamu disisiku
hari-hariku terasa kosong
kau mencuri warna dalam hidupku
kau membawa seluruh warna dalam hidupku pergi dengan kenangan yang tersisa darimu

tak mampu melihatmu pergi dan membiarkanku sendirian
sendirian tanpa rangkulan kasihmu
tanpa rangkulan rasa darimu untukku
membiarkanku tenggelam dalam rasa

rasa hampa yang dalam
tak ada habisnya
sendirian.

Arti Kehadiranmu

Tidak, kamu tidak mengingatkanku padanya
kamu tidak membuatku ingin pergi

Kamu berbeda dengan yang lain
kamu memiliki cara sendiri untuk membuatku tersenyum

Kamu memiliki senyum yang mampu menyemangatiku
kamu punya bakat untuk memeluk hangat hatiku

Bukan dengan cincin atau bunga
bukan dengan coklat atau perhiasan

Hanya dengan senyuman dan kasih sayang
hanya dengan pelukan dan rasa cinta

Kau buatku tersadar
kau buatku membuka mata

Tentang apa arti cinta
itulah arti kehadiranmu

Mine, Yours, Ours.

I have never thought  that you'd be the one
who give me the scars i never wish

Imagining you there with those people
i don't know what else to do

wait? do you think i can wait?
Am i strong enough in your eyes?

i don't even know if i am strong
i don't even know if i can hold on

Time flies
weather changes

people dies
Blue sky collapse

I keep my heart on ur track
but you are the one who runaway

I thought you'd stay with me
stay and write this story with me

Every second i've spent with you
Was a miracle that ever happened to me

Wanting you here is my pray
having you by my side is my wish

I wish you a really good day
I wish you never be sad

I wish you a happy life
forever.

Our little talks - poem

I never get a chance to tell u how i feel
telling u my feelings
all of the smiles i've shown
With u as the reason
And each time looking at ur eyes
making me smile
all at once
singing in the corner of my room
All about u
alll about us and our memories
thinking for hours before sleep
imagining u and all little talks
all laughs we have shared
i feel good when im with u
i feel comfortable and warm
i feel happy
but then the reality slaps me in the face
seeing u joking with her
making me smiling in sadness
making me laughing in tears
i did not cry outside
I did not let my tears falls
but everytime she smiles at ur jokes
u give me a scratch in my heart

Walked through that door.

I walked through that door.
Seeing you laughing with her.
Seeing you giving that smile you used to gave me.
Talking to her like we used to.
The way you call her.
The way you see her and look into her eyes.
I can't hold it no more.
My heart hurts.
Seeing you with her.
I just don't wanna see you anymore.
I am happy for you.
I am.
Please just please.
Please do not act like you don't know how i feel.
Your happiness is mine too and i will be so glad if you are.
I just wanna see you happy.
See you laughing.
I might missing you and our memories.
But then i realize, it is now only a memory.
A memory that i cannot reach back.
A memory that lasts forever.
I hope you are happy.
I hope you are okay.
I hope she is that one person you always think about.